To: All adjunct
teaching faculty
From: Dr.
Emmett Dodson
Date: March
30, 2001
Re: Your
benefits
We regret
to inform you that all adjunct faculty will be subjected to
random drug testing, strip searches, and anonymous rude phone
calls in the middle of the night.
You will
still get the teacher discount on snack cakes and coffee in
the cafeteria, but you must show your ID to receive fifty cents
off each item. I have been informed that "lattes"
and other speciality drinks are not included in the discounts
due to the high cost of froth. I hope that makes sense to you
because I have no idea what I just told you.
If you have
any questions, just ask my secretary.
Dr. Emmett Dodson
