Martin Van Buren's
For the New President:
Lessons from Experience
1. Thou shalt not spend federal monies on a new wardrobe.
2. Constituents do not like to be called "peasants," even
if they are.
3. When going to France to accent one's fashion holdings, visiting
their heads-of-state is crucial to avoid appearing like a male version
of Marie Antoinette.
4. Blame Congress for anything that goes wrong, or use the previous
president as a scapegoat if politically acceptable.
5. Never let the press take pictures of you in your underwear.
6. If your wife dies, consult Dolly Madison for advice on finding a
hostess to replace the deceased.
7. It is crucial to have a catchy campaign song: just look how rockin'
"Tippecanoe and Tyler Too" is compared to "Rock-a-Bye
Baby." Campaign songs should not be lullabies.
8. It is terribly important that you do something besides having
interesting hair. A coiffure will not win you reelection. Lincoln knew
9. As William Henry Harrison proved, keep your speeches short (especially
if outside when raining).
10. Being President does not mean you will "get chicks" unless
the economy is healthy.