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A Tale of Two Bushes: George W. and Jeb
as the Rulers of Sodom and Gommorah

By Mittens DuBois-Dugan

Every March, millions of drunken sex-crazed young "adults" converge in Texas and Florida for a week of reckless abandon and sinful merry-making. While this is not a new trend, it is not acceptable Christian behavior. As supposed Christian, Republican moral legislators given the responsibility of leadership as granted by their constituents, the Brothers Bush must put an end to this debauchery.

I find it disheartening that the two centers of hedonism-Daytona Beach (Sodom Beach) and South Padre Island (Gomorrah Island)-are located in states governed by Jeb Bush and George W. Bush. Other destinations have beaches and temperate climates (such as California, Hawaii) and others have long-standing traditions of being a sin capital (Las Vegas). Yet most id-powered college students pick Florida or Texas as their destination. Why? Because the Bushes encourage it with their own actions.

Yes, the Bushes were young once. I was too, but you never saw me getting a lap dance from an African-American single mother while snorting a nostril-full of cocaine. I never "did lines," "smoked dope," or even drank. When we're young, we all make mistakes. I once forgot to put the milk back in the refrigerator after getting my cereal, but I LEARNED from my mistakes. I asked for forgiveness, not from the American people, but from God, the ultimate decider of fate. These brothers are not the only Bush children to have moral deficiencies: we mustn't forget Neil Bush and his little savings and loan problem. Where did this family go wrong? Maybe there was a reason why George Herbert Walker Bush was not re-elected to a second term.

I can't deny that Bill Clinton has not been a stellar model for our children. He, after all, committed adultery in the Oval Office, lied about it, and did all sorts of unsavory things. We didn't know that when we initially voted for him-but we do know that George W. Bush is as morally bankrupt as one of his brother's savings and loans. Let us not make the same error twice: let's learn from our mistakes and avoid becoming addicted to terrible leaders.

We must stop these brothers from turning the entire country into a drug-powered orgy. The final choice at the election box is yours, but I suggest that we avoid cocaine being ruled, like as Reagan did with ketchup, as a vegetable for our school lunch program. We can't let Spring Break last all year long: we have too much responsibility to protecting our national pride and integrity. Let's not become the United States of Immorality.