The Pop-Philosophy of Bean Newton
by E.W. Wilder
In this fragment, Bean Newton is shown attempting to deal with a popular
culture slipping quickly out of his grasp. By 1998, in his late twenties,
Newton began feeling the irrelevancy of anyone over 25 in American culture.
His reaction is typical: philosophize, or at least link the dissolution
he was feeling back to a real (or possibly imagined) mid-to-late 20th
Century philosophical movement through the lens of a real (or possibly
imagined) set of childhood experiences.
It is not known if he ever finished this poem.
A Phenomenology of Glue
by Bean Newton
1. Remember when you were young and you’d coat your fingers
in Elmer’s then pull it off when it had become semi-dried, as
if you were pulling off skin?
2. The passage to Sinaloa is in the very hotel. For $40 I will show
you.
3. In my attempt to super-glue my car’s dash back together, I
accidentally created a vortex in the space-time continuum. Now my car
radio only gets broadcasts of The Green Hornet from the 1940s.
4. It’s not that bad, really–sort of like a sourdough roll.
5. Or maybe a Kaiser.
6. Super-glue, according to recent legend, was originally designed
as a quick and easy way to glue wounds back together during combat.
| 7. For the record, this is what Vietnam has given us: |
a. inexpensive night-vision goggles |
| |
b. super-glue |
| |
c. an aversion to the visible aspects of war. |
8. Wood glue is a decent substitute for good carpentry.
9. This is true largely because of Britney Spears and other recent
simulacra.
10. See also simu-lycra.
11. The authentic is, invariably, dissatisfying.
12. First, it isn’t in Dolby.
13. Velcro is just variably-activated glue.
