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Postmodern Village
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Meet Doug, Prom King Contestant
by Mari Bucholz

Name: Douglas (nickname: Doug)
Age: 19
Title: Gymnastics coach

1. Is your chosen profession sexy? Why/why not?
Yes. The gymnast profession tends to have nicer bodies, sexy.

2. How has our culture influenced your choice in profession?
I wouldn’t say culture was a big influence in my profession.

3. In your opinion how has your chosen profession influenced our culture?
I think it has changed youth in gymnastics.

4. Would you consider your current project to be the highlight of your career?
No, not at all.

5. Are you currently working on your project in order to pick up chicks?
No, but chicks are a big part of it.

6. Have you done anything recently that would be considered unconventional or rebellious or that otherwise questions current convention?
Honestly, not really.

7. Do all of your colleagues have perverted senses of humor? Why/why not?
No, most of my collegues are older.

8. Do you enjoy a perverted sense of humor? Why/why not?
Yes I do. I’m a big fan of the sick jokes.

9. Do you embrace the ambiguity inherent in the system? How? Why?
What the hell does that mean?

10. Boxers or briefs?
Boxers.

11. Are you secretly an evil doctor?
No.

12. Do you tell chicks that you’re a doctor in order to score?
All the time.

13. How do you feel about modern culture?
I definitely think it’s leaning towards ghetto hip-hop style . . . it’s starting to involve gymnastics . . .

14. Why do you feel your chosen profession is beneficial to mankind?
I don’t think the world could survive without sexy gymnasts.

15. Would you rather be invisible or have super powers (no, invisibility is not a super power)? Why?
If I could control my invisibility, then I would choose it because then I could be greedy and take whatever I want.

16. Would you rather be stuck in an elevator with a person that has a cold or an annoying person?
A person that has a cold.

17. What would you like to give to the world?
Change.

18. If you were to get a tattoo right now, what would you get and where?
I would get the same tattoo as my dad had.

19. Where were you when Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck’s engagement was announced?
I don’t have a big interest in that.

20. What character from Faster Pussycat, Kill! Kill! do you most relate to and why?
I don't know the characters from that cartoon.

21. What is your favorite song and why?
Styx's "Best of Times" because I like the song.

22. If your life were a poem, would it

a. Rhyme
b. Follow a regular tempo
c. Not make sense
d. Stir emotion in even the least literate of people
e. Be made into a successory

Rhyme because it’s a pretty ritual life. It follows a pattern.

23. It’s 3:00 a.m., you’re thirsty, and you have to pee. What do you do?
Pee and then continue to have a Pepsi.

24. How did you take the news that Santa was not real?
I cried for weeks: it was horrible news.

25. How do you like your eggs?
Scrambled.

26. Water or cola?
Cola.

27. What’s your favorite food? Why?
Jimmy Johns.

28. What is your favorite thing to watch?
Blooper shows.

29. With all of these things in mind, why should you be considered king of the postmodern prom?
Because I’m a sexy gymnast.

30. Who would your prom queen be?
Sam Foster. We met in 8th grade and I told her I’d be the first one to take her to prom.

Vote for 2004 Pomo Prom King Here