Marty, Prom King Contestant
by Mari Bucholz
Name: Martin (nickname: Marty)
Title: General manufacturing monkey
1. Is your chosen profession sexy? Why/why not?
Well, I guess, kind of -- because it’s the sort of rugged,
"I work with my hands" sort of thing; at the same time it’s
not sexy because I don’t make a lot of money.
2. How has our culture influenced your choice in profession?
It’s kept me out of the white collar work, so I guess it’s
more or less made me choose my profession.
3. In your opinion how has your chosen profession influenced our
Well, capitalism would not have gotten anywhere without Henry Ford
and his . . . well . . . I shouldn’t say not gotten anwhere. But
capitalism in our country made a great leap with the assembly line system
invented by Henry Ford and we continually reinvented the system, and
I guess I’m at sort of the lower level of one of the driving forces.
4. Would you consider your current project to be the highlight
of your career?
Not in the slightest.
5. Are you currently working on your project in order to pick up
No, got one, thank you.
6. Have you done anything recently that would be considered unconventional
or rebellious or that otherwise questions current convention?
Uh, recently? No. I don't think so.
7. Do all of your colleagues have perverted senses of humor? Why/why
I don’t really know yet. They all have senses of humor!
8. Do you enjoy a perverted sense of humor? Why/why not?
Enjoy it? I revel in it! Sometimes having a perverted sense of humor
is just fabulous because you can say something, and just see other people
stare at you like a deer in headlights . . . "Oh my god, I can’t
believe you just said that!"
9. Do you embrace the ambiguity inherent in the system? How? Why?
Damn the man! Fight the power! I hate ambiguity. It just sucks. [Interviewer:
"You hate ambiguity?"] Yes. [Interviewer: "You're
saying you do not embrace the ambiguity inherent in the system?"]
10. Boxers or briefs?
Briefs. I’ve recently taken to boxer briefs, but I don’t
like my junk hangin’ out.
11. Are you secretly an evil doctor?
12. Do you tell chicks that you’re a doctor in order to score?
13. How do you feel about modern culture?
Some of it I hate, some of it I don’t.
14. Why do you feel your chosen profession is beneficial to mankind?
Well, if you didn’t have us low-level grunts and monkeys to assemble
things, then all you engineers and technicians and consumers would be
shit-out-of-luck because stuff wouldn’t be put together.
15. Would you rather be invisible or have super powers (no, invisibility
is not a super power)? Why?
Super powers, because with whatever super powers I’d have I would
have better control over it.
16. Would you rather be stuck in an elevator with a person that
has a cold or an annoying person?
Person with a cold because I may or may not get the cold and I’ll
get over it. Battery charges go on my permanent record.
17. What would you like to give to the world?
I don’t know. Stuff. I don’t have any dreams or ambitions
to leave my mark on the world.
18. If you were to get a tattoo right now, what would you get and
Another dragon on the outside of my right forearm.
19. Where were you when Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck’s
engagement was announced?
Fuck if I know.
20. What character from Faster Pussycat, Kill! Kill!
do you most relate to and why?
It’s been too long since I’ve seen the movie. I don’t
remember the characters.
21. What is your favorite song and why?
I don’t like that question; it makes me pick.
22. If your life were a poem, would it
b. Follow a regular tempo
c. Not make sense
d. Stir emotion in even the least literate of people
e. Be made into a successory
It wouldn’t make sense because my life is a comedy of errors.
Plus I like not making sense.
23. It’s 3:00 a.m., you’re thirsty, and you have to
pee. What do you do?
Get up, pee, drink water, go back to bed.
24. How did you take the news that Santa was not real?
I kind of figured it out on my own, so it wasn’t really crushing
it was more . . . "aha! I told ya!"
25. How do you like your eggs?
26. Water or cola?
27. What’s your favorite food? Why?
Lasagna: there are many different types, you can't beat lots of meat
and lots of cheese in one meal.
28. What is your favorite thing to watch?
Fish. I like watching fish. The kind that swim, not the hippie band.
29. With all of these things in mind, why should you be considered
king of the postmodern prom?
King? Because I wasn’t the king of the other three proms I went
30. Who would your prom queen be?
That would be my lovely and adoring wife.
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