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Meet Matthews, Prom King Contestant
by Mari Bucholz

Name: Matthews
Age: 30
Title: Technican

1. Is your chosen profession sexy? Why/why not?
No.

2. How has our culture influenced your choice in profession?
Because it pays me.

3. In your opinion how has your chosen profession influenced our culture?
It helps us see so we don't get into car accidents.

4. Would you consider your current project to be the highlight of your career?
No.

5. Are you currently working on your project in order to pick up chicks?
No.

6. Have you done anything recently that would be considered unconventional or rebellious or that otherwise questions current convention?
Every day.

7. Do all of your colleagues have perverted senses of humor? Why/why not?
Yes, because anybody normal I hate.

8. Do you enjoy a perverted sense of humor? Why/why not?
Yes, because it's just a neat part of my person.

9. Do you embrace the ambiguity inherent in the system? How? Why?
No, not really.

10. Boxers or briefs?
Boxers.

11. Are you secretly an evil doctor?
Only on Tuesdays.

12. Do you tell chicks that you’re a doctor in order to score?
No.

13. How do you feel about modern culture?
We have culture?

14. Why do you feel your chosen profession is beneficial to mankind?
It helps them see and pays me so I don't snap and kill people.

15. Would you rather be invisible or have super powers (no, invisibility is not a super power)? Why?
Super powers. It all depends on the super power.

16. Would you rather be stuck in an elevator with a person that has a cold or an annoying person?
Person that has the cold.

17. What would you like to give to the world?
An enema.

18. If you were to get a tattoo right now, what would you get and where?
I would get my wings all over my back and on my ankles.

19. Where were you when Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck’s engagement was announced?
Sleeping.

20. What character from Faster Pussycat, Kill! Kill! do you most relate to and why?
I have no idea . . . I try not to relate to anybody.

21. What is your favorite song and why?
Right now it would be “After the Flesh” by Serial Kill Cult. Just the music itself is just entrancing.

22. If your life were a poem, would it

a. Rhyme
b. Follow a regular tempo
c. Not make sense
d. Stir emotion in even the least literate of people
e. Be made into a successory

Be made into a sucessory because it’s my life.

23. It’s 3:00 a.m., you’re thirsty, and you have to pee. What do you do?
Grab a beer and drink while I’m pissing.

24. How did you take the news that Santa was not real?
He’s not?

25. How do you like your eggs?
Soft boiled.

26. Water or cola?
Cola.

27. What’s your favorite food? Why?
Egg salad sandwiches because I love the taste of it.

28. What is your favorite thing to watch?
Pictures in my head.

29. With all of these things in mind, why should you be considered king of the postmodern prom?
Because if not I’ll probably kill all the other guys running for it.

30. Who would your prom queen be?
Susie.

Vote for 2004 Pomo Prom King Here