Randy, Prom King Contestant
by Mari Bucholz
Name: Randall (nickname: Randy)
Title: Loan validator
1. Is your chosen profession sexy? Why/why not?
No. Essential but not sexy. [Interviewer: "Why not?"]
Because it’s somewhat mundane.
2. How has our culture influenced your choice in profession?
Because it's the only job I could get.
3. In your opinion how has your chosen profession influenced our
Hopefully by making people’s lives a little better.
4. Would you consider your current project to be the highlight
of your career?
5. Are you currently working on your project in order to pick up
6. Have you done anything recently that would be considered unconventional
or rebellious or that otherwise questions current convention?
7. Do all of your colleagues have perverted senses of humor? Why/why
Yes. [Interviewer: "Why?"] I don’t know.
8. Do you enjoy a perverted sense of humor? Why/why not?
Sometimes, because it's different.
9. Do you embrace the ambiguity inherent in the system? How? Why?
Because you can’t change it, so you might as well make it work
to your advantage. [Interviewer: "How?"] I don’t
know. [Interviewer: "Why?"] Like I say you might
as well make it work to your advantage.
10. Boxers or briefs?
11. Are you secretly an evil doctor?
12. Do you tell chicks that you’re a doctor in order to score?
13. How do you feel about modern culture?
Not my problem.
14. Why do you feel your chosen profession is beneficial to mankind?
Helps people get their house and live a better lifestyle.
15. Would you rather be invisible or have super powers (no, invisibility
is not a super power)? Why?
Superpowers because you could do whatever you really wanted to do. If
you’re invisible you wouldn’t be able to do very many things.
16. Would you rather be stuck in an elevator with a person that
has a cold or an annoying person?
An annoying person.
17. What would you like to give to the world?
I don't know that I would.
18. If you were to get a tattoo right now, what would you get and
I don’t know where and I don’t know what. I’d have
to see what they had.
19. Where were you when Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck’s
engagement was announced?
Don't know, don't care.
20. What character from Faster Pussycat, Kill! Kill!
do you most relate to and why?
Never heard of it.
21. What is your favorite song and why?
I don't have a favorite. I don't pay attention.
22. If your life were a poem, would it
b. Follow a regular tempo
c. Not make sense
d. Stir emotion in even the least literate of people
e. Be made into a successory
Not make sense. 'Cause it don’t make sense. There’s no
order to it at all.
23. It’s 3:00 a.m., you’re thirsty, and you have to
pee. What do you do?
Pee first, then drink.
24. How did you take the news that Santa was not real?
Terribly. It was just a big disappointment. Santa, Easter Bunny, Tooth
Fairy . . . those are all things you count on.
25. How do you like your eggs?
26. Water or cola?
27. What’s your favorite food? Why?
Cheese . . . 'cause I like it.
28. What is your favorite thing to watch?
29. With all of these things in mind, why should you be considered
king of the postmodern prom?
Don't want to be.
30. Who would your prom queen be?
Who’s there? [Interviewer: "Of all the women in the world?"]
That would be a tough decision. [Interviewer: "Who would the
decision be between?"] Don’t know yet. [Interviewer:
"You have to pick somebody! Do we need to have a lottery?"]
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