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prolog 2 beowoof
by 2kewl4skool5643

yo, dawg, we’ve herd da glory of da spear-danez’ kingz in da ol’ school dizzayz – how da prinzes of that peeps did brave deeds, yo.

often scyld scefing took mead-benchez away from enemy bandz, from many tribez, terrified their noblez – after da time that he waz 1st found w/out bling bling. he lived 2 find com4t 4 dat, bcame gr8 under da skiez, prosperd in honorz until every 1 of those who lived about him, across the whale-road, had 2 obey him, pay him tribute, yo. DAT WAZ A GOOD KING!!!!

afterwards a song waz born 2 him, who god sent 2 com4t da peeps: he had seen sore need they had suffered during da the long time they waz w/out a king. there4 da lord of life, da ruler of heaven, gave him honor in da world: beow waz famous, like eminem-famous, da glory of da son of scyld spread widely in da northlandz. (northlandz warriorz rule!!!!!!!!!!) n dis way a young man ought by his good deedz, by givin’ splendid gifts while still in his dad’s crib, to make sure dat later n life his peeps’ll stand by him, that peeps’ll serve him when war comes. through deeds that bring praise, a man shall propser n every country.

then at the fated time scyld da brave went away n2 da protection of da lord. his peeps carried him down 2 da c-currents, jus’ as he hisself had bidden them do when, as protector of the scyldings, he had ruled them w/ his words – long had the beloved prince governed da land. there n da harbor stood da ring-prowed ship, ice-covered + ready 2 sail, a prince’s ride, g. then they laid down da rula they had loved, da ring-giver, n da hollow of da ship, da glorious man beside da mast. there waz brought gr8 store of treasure, bling bling from landz far away. i have not heard of a ship more riced out w/ war-weaponz + battle drez, swordz + mail-shirtz. on his breast (heh heh) lay a gr8 many treasurez dat should voyage w/him far out n2 da c’s possession. They provided him w/ no lesser giftz, treasure of da peeps, than those had done who at his beginning 1st sent him 4th on da wavez, a child alone, then also they set a golden standard high over his head, let da water take him, gave him 2 da c. sad waz their spirit, yo, mournful their mind. men can’t truthfully say who received dat cargo, neither counsellorz in da hall nor warriorz under da skyz.

then, in da cities waz beow of da scylding bloved king of da peeps, long famous among nationz (his pops had gone elsewhere, da king from his land), until l8r gr8 healfdene waz born 2 him. as long as he lived, old + fierce n battle, he upheld da glorious scyldings. 2 him all told were 4 kids born n2 da world, 2 da leader of the armyz: heorogar + hrothgar + da good halga. i have heard tell dat . . . waz onela’s queen (if you know what i mean) bloved honey of da battle-scylfing.

(Editor's note: Apologies to both Herbert Kornfield and Jake of the "The Cool Kids.")