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Foundling Theory Fund
from the editor
Submit your article
The Mainly Annual
EastWesterly Review/Postmodern Village
15th Annual Conference
Noid Void: Where Ad Campaigns Go to Die
by Doop Lupta
If the age old question of "Where's the beef?" has
always troubled you, Doop Lupta has an answer. By carefully
blending the antimonies of String Theory with traditional Catholic
Purgatory, Lupta weaves a conceptual nether-world, a pocket
universe where packets of broadcast energy loop continually
in the endless repetition of a madman's dream of megalomania.
That and her special effects were groovy, especially the Steve
Reich-inspired "Burger Phase" audio track. Hypno-mancing.
Gadda Dentata: Acid Rock as Novocain, a Let's Do It! Checklips
by Moe Lars Pullen
Drawing from the findings of the CIA's recent "enhanced"
interrogation techniques, Pullen postulates a new, non-sedating
path to no-pain dentistry. By numbing the mind with the blaring
Strawberry Alarm Clock; the application of "stress positions";
and a dental chair, towel, and irrigator; tooth doctors can
be free to do whatever they want without fear of adverse patient
reactions—to the dentistry, at least. So who says this
was a worthless war? However, next time Pullen presents a paper,
this correspondent is not going to volunteer for a
Pursuing Socially Conscious Coochie in the Name of a Better
by Alema Pamerson
Pamerson, dressed to save in her faux-leopard-print micro-skirt
and her imitation alligator-hide pumps, convincingly embodies
the message of her work—with an emphasis on the "body."
If for every generation there is a Gap, then for every social
movement there should be a sex symbol. We were all feeling veganer
as we walked out—in our pants!
Progressive Porn Meets Popular Passions, or Obama and the Big
by Stan Wankey
Stan Wankey's return to our presenting stage seemed a seamless
transition from the nightly news, where Obama, feted as a politician
who will put conservatism to bed in both a literal and figurative
sense, made swoon the online millions who had just before been
downloading pictures of naked models casting off their "fur"
and declaring it murder. But unlike in olden times, this love
is not free, especially if you have some dollars to spare for
the 523 organization.
or Yo! Bum Rush the Chef
By Hillary Hardcore
What happens when the surreal and overexposed get hungry? They
get a cooking show, of course. Hardcore offered up a scathing
review of what's wrong with contemporary American hip-hip via
an eight minute segment from Flavor Flav's FoodTV debut, Cold
Chicken With Flavor. In it, guest Bobby Flay demonstrates
his dry rub for ribs, discusses which brand of champagne should
accompany it, and asks for Brigitte Nielsen's phone number.
Know What You Did Sometime: Stalking for the Lazy and Not-Too-Precise
by C. Mia Hausmann
With online directories, public record searches and now Google
Street, virtual spying has never been so convenient for the
armchair enthusiast. However, it is not without limitations.
Hausmann argues for more control and more photos, particularly
of someone named "Theresa, that bitch," of 818 Riverfront
Avenue, West Chester, Iowa. Scared, so scared.
Liberal Berkeley!: How That Leg-Lovin' Choreographer Ruined
Hollywood for the Rest of Us
by Richard Jean Keller
"And they got pretty faces too," says Warner Baxter
after his pals go ga-ga over gams in 42nd Street. And
it was that kind of stuff that got us the Hayes Code
and, even worse, got it enforced. The curmudgeonly
Keller argues that a more moderate approach, particularly in
Berkeley's lavish musicals where women were clearly objectified
for aesthetic reasons, would have prevented such a backlash.
A predictable argument was made much more exciting by the feisty,
leggy brunette who pointed out Keller only has the benefit of
hindsight. (And she's got a pretty face too.)
Blandstand: The Mop-top from Peter York to Zac Efron
by Jean-Paul Mitchell-Sassoon
As much as hairstyle as a sociopolitical statement, the boy
band hairstyle started by The Beatles--once shocking--is now
just another Disney property, molded and shaped on carefully
brainwashed heads. Mitchell-Sassoon explained in a little too
much detail the history of the hairstyle, along with complete
styling instructions. Now we know what to do with that Dep we've
had in our medicine cabinet for the past 20 years though, and
it was quite thoughtful to give out samples in "fly-friendly"
1.5 oz. bottles.
So there you have it. And, in order to dissuade any
counter-mythologies from developing, the spraying only lasted until
slightly after midnight.