The Mainly Annual EastWesterly Review / Postmodern Village Conference 2008

The Noid Void: Where Ad Campaigns Go to Die
by Doop Lupta

If the age old question of "Where's the beef?" has always troubled you, Doop Lupta has an answer. By carefully blending the antimonies of String Theory with traditional Catholic Purgatory, Lupta weaves a conceptual nether-world, a pocket universe where packets of broadcast energy loop continually in the endless repetition of a madman's dream of megalomania. That and her special effects were groovy, especially the Steve Reich-inspired "Burger Phase" audio track. Hypno-mancing.

Inna Gadda Dentata: Acid Rock as Novocain, a Let's Do It! Checklips
by Moe Lars Pullen

Drawing from the findings of the CIA's recent "enhanced" interrogation techniques, Pullen postulates a new, non-sedating path to no-pain dentistry. By numbing the mind with the blaring Strawberry Alarm Clock; the application of "stress positions"; and a dental chair, towel, and irrigator; tooth doctors can be free to do whatever they want without fear of adverse patient reactions—to the dentistry, at least. So who says this was a worthless war? However, next time Pullen presents a paper, this correspondent is not going to volunteer for a demonstration.

PETA-Philes: Pursuing Socially Conscious Coochie in the Name of a Better Tomorrow
by Alema Pamerson

Pamerson, dressed to save in her faux-leopard-print micro-skirt and her imitation alligator-hide pumps, convincingly embodies the message of her work—with an emphasis on the "body." If for every generation there is a Gap, then for every social movement there should be a sex symbol. We were all feeling veganer as we walked out—in our pants!

Liberalabia: Progressive Porn Meets Popular Passions, or Obama and the Big "O"
by Stan Wankey

Stan Wankey's return to our presenting stage seemed a seamless transition from the nightly news, where Obama, feted as a politician who will put conservatism to bed in both a literal and figurative sense, made swoon the online millions who had just before been downloading pictures of naked models casting off their "fur" and declaring it murder. But unlike in olden times, this love is not free, especially if you have some dollars to spare for the 523 organization.

Flavor/Flay: or Yo! Bum Rush the Chef
By Hillary Hardcore

What happens when the surreal and overexposed get hungry? They get a cooking show, of course. Hardcore offered up a scathing review of what's wrong with contemporary American hip-hip via an eight minute segment from Flavor Flav's FoodTV debut, Cold Chicken With Flavor. In it, guest Bobby Flay demonstrates his dry rub for ribs, discusses which brand of champagne should accompany it, and asks for Brigitte Nielsen's phone number.

I Know What You Did Sometime: Stalking for the Lazy and Not-Too-Precise
by C. Mia Hausmann

With online directories, public record searches and now Google Street, virtual spying has never been so convenient for the armchair enthusiast. However, it is not without limitations. Hausmann argues for more control and more photos, particularly of someone named "Theresa, that bitch," of 818 Riverfront Avenue, West Chester, Iowa. Scared, so scared.

That Liberal Berkeley!: How That Leg-Lovin' Choreographer Ruined Hollywood for the Rest of Us
by Richard Jean Keller

"And they got pretty faces too," says Warner Baxter after his pals go ga-ga over gams in 42nd Street. And it was that kind of stuff that got us the Hayes Code and, even worse, got it enforced. The curmudgeonly Keller argues that a more moderate approach, particularly in Berkeley's lavish musicals where women were clearly objectified for aesthetic reasons, would have prevented such a backlash. A predictable argument was made much more exciting by the feisty, leggy brunette who pointed out Keller only has the benefit of hindsight. (And she's got a pretty face too.)

American Blandstand: The Mop-top from Peter York to Zac Efron
by Jean-Paul Mitchell-Sassoon

As much as hairstyle as a sociopolitical statement, the boy band hairstyle started by The Beatles--once shocking--is now just another Disney property, molded and shaped on carefully brainwashed heads. Mitchell-Sassoon explained in a little too much detail the history of the hairstyle, along with complete styling instructions. Now we know what to do with that Dep we've had in our medicine cabinet for the past 20 years though, and it was quite thoughtful to give out samples in "fly-friendly" 1.5 oz. bottles.