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The Mainly Annual
EastWesterly Review/Postmodern Village
14th Annual Conference
Junction: the Psychological Counseling Industry Invades the
Mall, or Affluenza as Dispersed in the DSM Storefront, a Marketing
by Spitzer M. Gibbon Skodol Williams I
This reporter could only barely follow the complex interweaving
of spreadsheet logic and case-study analytics, but it is relatively
certain that Williams shows that all consumers are crazy and
that the only way to reach them is to market to them the cure.
Williams's PowerPoint was hypnotic, though. Must. Go. To. Borders.
And. Buy. This. Book.
as American Microcosm: Decay, Rebirth and Denial in the Desert
by Hannah Wynnchester-Henderson
With plenty of footage of size 22 tourists shopping for size
0 capri pants in the Bellagio, Wynnchester-Henderson draws a
parallel to the developers who saw skyscraper condos, casinos
and hotels in the middle of the desert. Hannah claims all America
loves a makeover; the free makeup samples did seem
to go fast.
Comprehensive Study of the Migration Patterns of Showgirls and
Elvises in the Greater Las Vega$ Region by Subspecies
by Col. Whitney Jean Parker-Sloan
Little known outside the narrow confines of biological anthropology
is that both showgirls and Elvises are actually separate subspecies
of homo sapiens: homo sapiens highsteppa and homo
sapiens hiptwisticus respectively. They flock every year
to various locations in the desert southwest to rehearse, choreograph,
and plan strategy, but until now no one could comprehensively
say when or where. Thanks to researchers like Parker-Sloan,
now we can. Plus, the paper's auditors ended up buried under
tons of rhinestones and yards of leg. What happens at the conference,
stays at the conference*.
Prince to Prince Harry: Misbehavior and Salvation in Royalty,
Witnessing Jehovah Through the Lens of the Paparazzi
Can media scrutiny really save souls? Well, it can certainly
crucify and resurrect, as Mary-Kate and Ashley and, of course,
John Davidson represent. þ's contentions stretch credulity,
though, when he suggests we all spend our 15 minutes
of fame on video camera confessionals. This correspondent will
take his absolution the old-fashioned way: through Absolut and
Stellar! Linda Goodman's Sun Signs for Streetcar
by Jackie Stalwick
In the seminal work Sun Signs by Linda Goodman (Aries),
she recommends using astrology to understand "fictional
hereos and heroines." To do so, Stalwick (Gemini) showed
hypothetical star charts for Stanley (Aries) and Stella (Libra)
Kowalski and Blanche DuBois (Cancer). Wonder what the Kowalskis'
baby would be?
Box Stylin': the Effect of Sport Compact Culture on the Pizza
Delivery Industry, a Post-Colonial Perspective
By A. Pexi Kurvatchur
That most pizza delivery is done by immigrants from nations
that have only relatively recently thrown off the colonial yoke
is well known. That their experience carving traffic is beginning
to show up as prowess at the track is less so. That SCCA events
can be read as text is rrrr-evo-lutionary. And all throughout,
Kurvatchur knocked down nary a cone.
Westerns: Hip-Hop Values as Postmodern Frontier Pastiche
by Hillary Hardcore
Sampling Ennio Morricone is nothing new: Bomb the Bass used
The Good, the Bad and the Ugly in "Beat Dis"
back in 1987. What is new is the embrace of the frontier as
metaphor for the new realities of hip-hop: the uncharted lands
that the Dirty South rappers are creating for themselves with
the wealth of (Cash) Money. Why, you can even buy yourself a
white schoolteacher if'n you want – but we all know there
ain't no demand for them types. With their own lexicon, own
values and of course, own brand of justice, it's a brave new
world out there in the suburbs for hip-hop's bandits, gangstas
and other ne'er-do wells.
Roni: Sport Compact Counter Culture from Ferlinghetti to GReddy
by Nopi Yoshi
Long (dis)regarded as punks and hot-rod wannabes, Yoshi makes
a good case for California's car-modifying, Fast and Furious-watching,
sticker-happy set as the true inheritors of the Beat Generation's
bad-ass attitude. If only they could jettison the rhyme like
they nozzle the nitrous, methinks he'd be on to something.
This reporter sincerely hopes that you have enjoyed
this coverage of the 14th Annual Postmodern Village Conference. Please
call again if you have any further questions. Our lines are always
* Apparently, this
is not always the case, as photographers managed to capture Stan Wankey,
drunk on Bangalore Torpedos (a lethal combination of chai, rum and
Angostura bitters), kissing local favorite Francine DuBois three times
behind the bleachers of Amatta and Rayhal's "Chicken Karmann-Ghia"
paper presentation and amateur road race. The resulting scandal seemed
to stupefy Western-minded journalists and academicians, but apparently
Indian culture, for as advanced as it is technologically, is behind
the times when it comes to public displays of affection. The resulting
riots by socially conservative Hindu and Muslim activist groups shut
down Kodandarampura for three days (one for each kiss!), virtually
halting the virtual conference, as well as most actual commerce in
Police with Bangalore torpedos (the weapon, not the
cocktail) and water cannons were brought in when the factions turned
on each other, and one neighborhood resident was quoted as saying
"All this fighting over three little kisses? It's nonsense! And
they've trampled all over my topiary Ganesh, already!"
The two sides were finally brought under control by
a Michael Jackson impersonator and the differences decided with a
cricket match, which, as of this writing, is still in progress.