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i, your crumpled paper doll
by Melissa Thompson

refreshing refreshing
this glass of poison isn't
why did you tell me to drink it
why did i have to swallow this myself
you could have held me down
you could have shoved it down my throat
i would have let you
it wouldn't matter to me
just to know you cared enough to give me something
but you gave me nothing
just took her in your arms
turned the tv on
and settled into white trash hysteria
did her tattoo turn you on
did my tinted windows hide too much
and you slump in your recliner
and she sinks into your couch
and i walk out with bernini
and st teresa's ecstasy didn't even raise an eyebrow
i told you you were bernini
and i was fatal attraction and a dogwood
not as aspen with twinkling stars of leaves and dangling branches
you the weeping willow suddenly not so weepy
mr oak tree only not as dependable
you worthless piece so into my soul
why can't i cut you out with a knife
i sharpened it especially for you
but you wouldn't use it now if it saved you
i want to listen to you
but i can't read your mind
i can't read that font
i'm just a can opener
probably an old hand held one
useless and shoved in a kitchen drawer
but you the master blender
suddenly won't crush ice like you used to
i need ice crushed
i the ice princess
crush me like you've never crushed me before
but the shiny new juicer takes all the glory
though she's been used once
and drained a carrot
things in the kitchen aren't what they used to be
take it from me
i used to be a tree
but now i'm an eight-track player
only around for nostalgia
playing songs played too much
you've pushed me over the edge
i wish i had a ledge to jump off of
but only if you'd catch me
you would have before she was there
but she already owns two quik-trips
why would she want another
to have twenty-four hours a day
microwave being used
caution to wearers of pacemakers
she'll eat you alive
and spit you out in little chunks
come to me
i'll put you back together
i've got some glue and plenty of time
i would be so happy if you came to me
to yell
to scream
to show some emotion in the cold black world of yours
let me color it
i've got crayons
markers
pastels
paint
pain
anything you need
i've got a little to spare
anything you need
i'll go and get it for you
just tell me what you want
i'll do it
if you'd do the same for me
but i'm afraid you wouldn't
if i asked
maybe accidentally
i don't know
i don't know anything anymore
i can't sleep at night
i can't take sleeping pills
like i used to
guess i took too much too fast
seems to be a common problem
i gave you books
i gave you rides
i gave you everything inside
and you threw it all away
bye bye
but i want this to be for only a brief time --
there, that's long enough
i miss you already
wish it were me driving you everywhere
but no
it's her
in that truck of hers
escorting you like the owner of a dog
were you walked in central park
were you walked in buffalo park
where were you relieved of your duties
you little marshmallow
so easily squeezed by the dwarf
not the jolly giant
not green
but blue
you silly little freak
you're not listening to the cranes cry are you
you needed to translate for her
her the uneducated
but i knew all along
what the agony meant
she only thought she knew
she just pretended to know
so you'd love her
but i knew all along
is that what bothered you
that i knew what it was like
emptiness of the heart echoing
emptiness of the room
at four a.m.
that my depression was real
and not a case of the blues
so i could be your stereotypical artist
my cat is dying
my cat misses you in these periods of darkness
once ms trailer park has trampled your soul
where the grapes of wrath are stored
i guess i will be here for you
because i've got nowhere else to go