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The Sound and the Fury, Kardashian-Style: An Excerpt
by Kellan Kaulkner

and i will marry kris not kris my mom kris the basketball player that has been sent by central casting selected for me and we will make money hand over first money it shall rain from the heavens where nicole is now oh nicole with your blond hair was that love that pounded through his gloved hands was that what it was was it love that kris the basketball player kris the free agent not kris my mom showed when he threw me in the ocean and my earring left me and i cried oh nicole i cried because diamonds can't be replaced but love can and kris my mom not kris the free agent couldn't make it all right again and my sister dropped to the bottom of the ocean then rises with diamonds and it's okay but we will divorce no this can't last kris the free agent must be free i can't live in new jersey or minnesota or places like that i was made for tahiti and la and miami somewhere with a golf course where i can stand with a frilly drink with an umbrella in a bikini and not be cold the cold nicole how could you stand it the cold hand of the juice and daddy i love him but we are forever split that which we don't discuss a festering zit on the butt of our family am i working hard enough now mommy do you need another ten percent i gave you one hundred ten percent so i still get my full share ha ha ha those diamonds were gone and i had to buy my own wedding ring but you won't believe how big my divorce ring will be and marriage number three will be the biggest yet third time is a charm my sister is a fish she got my diamonds who wants to marry kim kardashian everyone if they get three million mom i cannot marry my brother i don't care if he needs a job or needs the money i am a bear stern and driven mom no and money god money yes money in the night we money will we yes money come on yes money you mom no well no yes mom i am busy no money for the wedding and my presents the vase i love and the diamond earrings my sister the fish she swam so innocent i love no mom no yes money no mom three million more exclusive to people only mom no but yes but yes but yes kris my mom kris my mom in the night

Bruce Jenner: They endured.