Your 2004 Post-Modern Prom King: The Search
for the Post-Modern Poster Boy
a.k.a. Am I Po-Mo or Not?
by Mari Bucholz
It all started when I met Dr. Pete.
I didn’t know he was a doctor; all I knew was that he was a shy
guy with a big cranium. So one night my husband and I went to a friend’s
shindig and there he was, milling about, looking but not saying anything.
That’s when I pounced.
I tend to prey on shy boys. It’s fun to find out about them,
ask them questions, pay an unusual amount of attention to the way they
speak and see if they squirm. Is it sadistic or just a way to rip open
their shell of shyness? Pete took the whole thing just fine, and that’s
how I found out that he was a doctor.
Dr. Pete’s profession seems especially interesting. I’m
not really into it as much as my husband (mostly because I hate math),
but how often does one meet a nice, well-mannered, articulate, cultured,
well-traveled doctor with great tastes in movies and furniture and isn’t
gay or an asshole?
So after much thinking and consultation with the webmistress, I decided
to start a project about post modernism and science. I thought I would
interview not only doctor Pete, but also another friend doctor Jerry,
and call it “How Po-mo Are Smart People, Understanding Post-Modernism
Through Science” but then it morphed. As I started coming up with
questions I realized that I shouldn’t limit myself to just the
scientific fields. I realized that we needed someone to be the shining
beacon for these dark, modern times. As I scratched my Buridian’s
Ass, the project grew teeth, legs and arms and turned into "Your
2004 Post-Modern Prom King: The Search for the Post Modern Poster Boy."
Let’s meet our contestants.
Dr. Pete: the physics guy working with
his zany accelerator
Marty: the average guy workin’ hard
and keepin’ it real
Doug: the self-proclaimed sexy gymnast
Randy: the oldest in the bunch and certainly
the only one with a firm grasp on post-modernism
In order to judge who would be the best King I interviewed all five
candidates with the same 30 questions. The first nine questions determine
how post-modernism has affected the candidate’s life. The final
21 questions were asked to provide a sense of who the candidate is and
how po-mo they really are. Now the real work begins; deciding on a King
will be difficult and we need your help. Read the interviews and help
us crown the winner. (Note: you'll notice there are no pictures -- this
serves to keep this all intellectual and not slip into judgments based
on physical appearance.)
Editors' Note: The 2004 Prom King was announced at
the 11th Annual Postmodern Village/EastWesterly Review Conference in
Paris. Dr. Pete won the tight race against Marty and wore his crown
proudly. Upon learning of her nomination and subsequent win of 2004
Prom Queen, Norma Perfect spouted a lot of things about patriarchy we
don't remember. We had consumed a lot of wine by that point. The always-sober(ing)
Mittens DuBois-Dugan, one of three Prom Princesses, danced with King
Dr. Pete to the prom theme song, "America is Not the World"
by Morrissey, on Ms. Perfect's behalf.