| EastWesterly
Review
|
The Mainly Annual
EastWesterly Review/Postmodern Village
14th Annual Conference
 Chicken
Karmann-Ghia: the Food Network meets the Speed Channel in a
Knock-Off Drag-Strip (Mario) Batali
by Alton Amatta and Rachel Rayhal
This reporter would not intimate that the best part
of this paper's presentation was the mini-Indy car race weaving
its way through the cooking demonstration, but it was the only
part anyone could hear. Kudos to the Rayhal pit crew,
though, for being able to assemble an indestructible soufflé
in ten seconds and under a yellow caution flag.
|
 Roto-Rooter-Scoping:
How Hollywood Animation Techniques Are Revolutionizing Modern
Plumbing: A Visual and Olfactory Essay
by X. Remment and Flo Sewards
It wouldn't be too punitive to say that this paper's presentation
stank. In fact, that would be the point. Those few who retained
their dahl—or rather their hamburgers—throughout
the oration were subject to a provocative, or at least evocative,
concept of Hollywood as the technological equivalent of war.
Practical advances used to be accelerated during times of national
conflict, but in these days of war without end, the baton has
passed to those most experienced at creating nightmare scenarios
for every ticket buying cineaste. With H-wood staging war games
and the digi-wonks in the movie industry's special-effects houses
creating training software, the entertainment industry may just
be more important than the military-industrial complex could
ever hope to be. Instead of buying war bonds, argue Remment
and Sewards, just go see Saw 3. You know, so the world
can be safe for Saw 4.
|
 Dodo-Scoping:
How Postmodern Animation Techniques are Revolutionizing the
Imaging of Extinction, an Essay in Ossification
by Ignatius "Bird Bones" Piltdown
It wasn't so much the calcified delivery of this paper that
disappointed—we're academics and used to that. The problem
was that it took so long. |
 From
Jane to Steve: Assessing the Austen Groove from 19th Century
English Moors to 20th Century Bionic Beefcake
by Amy Illion-Dollermann
This paper defines po-mo the way heads on stakes define good
government: perfectly. Combining cultural criticism,
post-feminist criticism of the sexually-aggressive Camille Paglia
sort, and a hip-hop beat, Illion-Dollermann shook not just the
notion of how criticism ought to be done, but our bootays as
well. New Historicism be damned: I'm plugged into New Anachronism.
And the Farrah Fawcett look-alike playing "Emma" in
the dramatic interpretation section didn't hurt either. |
|  Clifford
the Big Red Geertz: Cultural Confusion as Anthropological Animation
by Maggie Meade-Bridwell
A follow-up to her gleng-baking work "Notes on a Bally-Kneed
Cocktease," Meade-Bridwell builds on that work and Geertz's
own theories to meta-morphose pop-culture misconceptions about
science into scintillating ethnography. The giant dog is just
a metaphor, but America's unswerving belief that science has
cloned Ronald Reagan's chimp, Bonzo, has become its own dire
reality.
|
 Idol
Judgments: Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul, Carrie Underwood and Jordin
Sparks, or Mediocrity Without Irony: American Idol
as Cultural Crucible
by Miller C. Crest
If fascism is the form of government that perfected tyranny,
the representative democracy is the form of government that
perfected mediocrity. So argues Crest, and judging by what passes
for "good," this correspondent finds himself suddenly
unable to imagine what kind of bland crap might pass for "great."
The lowest common denominator isn't necessarily bad, notes Crest,
but with the likes of Cowell and Abdul guiding our tastes, we'll
frankly never graduate beyond the cultural equivalent of Kraft
Mac n' Cheese washed down with eight ounces of lukewarm Tang.
The notions are cogent, but the soundtrack, frankly, put me
to sleep. |
Page 4: Thank you for your
patience.
A representative will be with you shortly.
|
